November 10, 2006

Advice To Republicans


(Well, it’s the end of a one very long and memorable roller-coaster ride in which, at its culmination, the political skies tore open, a brilliant bolt of lightening stuck (twice), and the House of Kitsch was swept away.  Through this stretch, of course, we’ve been blogging like crazy.  For an outfit that averages something like 1.012 posts per day, on Wednesday, we actually did three!  Considering all that, as well as the inordinate seriousness one typically encounters around here, indulge us while we loosen the reins.)


In analyzing all the political analysis of 11/7, how could The BAG  fail to offer its own two cents of advise to the faded red party.  For inspiration, I turn to Tuesday night’s single shining light in the elephantocracy — a promotional genius who smelled something very, very bad in the air and who pre-determinated, well in advance, how to avoid losing his seat or feet.

The approach Arnold settled on exactly mirrors the recommendation I urge all war-torn, scandal-ridden Repubs to put into effect right now:

Join the party!

However you folks can manage it, be it a wholesale conversion, or just a walk-the-walk commitment to bipartisanship, study the cure of the leader of the world’s fifth largest economy, and:

Join the party!

Arnold, who effectively switched his affiliation a year ago, but just failed to tell anybody, has been having a smooth ride ever since.  Right down to the election night trimmings, he has successfully purged himself of all that divisively patriotic red/white/blue, red-state, blue-state mumbo-jumbo, choosing instead to soothingly triangulate between the greens (a color they particularly relish on the Coast) and the oranges.

So, if you haven’t yet caught my drift, I’m simply suggesting you:

Join the party!

If you could just tone down the anger and join the party, if you could open your hearts and keep track of your wallets, if you could transfer your conquering lust from world domination to a simple global war on ignorance or, say, real health care reform, just imagine what we could do?

If we could get on the same page (and I’m not talking interns), things might be a lot simpler and easier, really.  I mean, if we took your: “We’re Uniters, Not Dividers” and tossed it in with our “Make Love, Not War,” who know….  Look out Woodstock Nation?


Not possible, you say?  Too many hard feelings, you say?  No model for it, you say? Just…

Look West, Republican men and women, look West!

(images: Lucy Nicholson/Reuters. Beverly Hills, November 7, 2006.  Via YahooNews.)

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Michael Shaw
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